Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
