The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Farmville is her only friend.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
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