Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
