And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
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