I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
