Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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