I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
it was like eating out sand paper
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
