lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
