bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
