Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
