You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
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