apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
