Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
