trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
