Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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