I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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