Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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