Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
