And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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