Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
