But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
