***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Randomize
