Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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