My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Drunk is not a location!
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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