After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
