clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
