I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Let's paint friendship bongs
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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