we have officially mastered the walk of shame
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Randomize
