Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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