I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
please come you make the beer taste better
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Randomize
