don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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