Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
