I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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