areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
you mean i was at the winter classic?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Randomize
