So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
