Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Randomize
