i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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