he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
Randomize
