the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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