If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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