DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
