If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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