I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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