hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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