no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize