When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
