census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
