I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
