my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
And then my night got REAL pukey
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Randomize
