May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
you win again, gameday.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
