he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
