THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
