he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
