We're like a lot better than the average bears
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
