she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
