This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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