fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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