So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Randomize
