Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
he fucked my hip out of place.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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