I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Randomize
