Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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