i just google imaged poop.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
