Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
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