Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I am available for nakedness
Randomize
