Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
