Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
