He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
