Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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