ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
